Life has been… Well, different, lately. Full of many unexpected blessings and some unexpected losses, in-kind. I haven’t lost my desire to write, though I have been discouraged with the prospect of actually speaking lately. This blog site is just me talking, sharing ideas, my life and experiences and what all I have come to learn throughout. It’s one person’s journey in life, mine. Though I enjoy writing, I find myself less and less actually wanting to talk, these days. The world is becoming more hateful by the day it seems, and a huge part of me just wants to hide until it’s over.

My, sort of withdrawal, began a few months ago when the person I thought we had long since resolved our mutually shared past animosity, made it clear to me that she hadn’t resolved anything. Enter the list of my created crimes, told to her by another person with no regard for the truth. If nothing else, people can surprise you. More over, they can claim a whole lot that is not the true intent of their heart and state of their mind, just to get whatever it is that they need from you, until you are no longer of any use to them. This has been my experience for most of my life. At least as far back as I can remember.

Having gone through it, yet again with a different person this time, sent me into a bit of depression. Mainly because I’m tired of the same experience, repeated on loop. Trusting people is the hardest thing for me to do and yet I have this need to believe that people are inherently good. That they’re just having a bad day when they act snotty, or they’re busy when they fall out of contact, or that they’re sincere whenever they apologize. It’s a need that I wish did not exist in me, because it clouds my ability to see what really is. That they are being snotty all of the sudden because something has changed in regards to how they feel about me. That they have fallen out of contact because they have no more use of me, and that their apologies aren’t sincere but to get me back in their corner whenever their need of me, returns. These are the things that I am beginning to clearly see and it’s making me want to hide myself away from all of population for as long as it takes to break me of this habitual naivety.

If you flip on the news, browse through Twitter, etc. everything is either fake, pretentious, self-righteous or grandiose in magnitutde. It seems like NOTHING is simple, it’s all of major importance that we should be up in arms about. It feels, looks and seems like an alternate reality of a world that I don’t much like. People calling for violence because they minunderstand facts and are too stubborn to learn. People spreading propoganda as truth and hoping it sticks. People verbally assaulting others who do not share their method, but do share in the same desired end result. No one is meeting half-way. Everyone has placed all of their chips in the center of the table with each hand dealt, and unwilling to budge. It’s total and complete madness. Somehow I talked myself into believing that this crazy reality was seperate from that of my own life, but I’ve watched that same stubborn, immoveable, nonsensical mindset play out amongst the people that I honestly thought were better than this. I could’ve banked on the fact that no one within my circle could ever be as gullible, angry, easily manipulated, and down right hateful as what I was seeing out in the world around me. And I was wrong.

The most discouraging thing about all of experience being subjective to another’s interpretation of it, is that what is true for me – you may never actually be able to see in the same light. Couple that with being dead set in your own opinions and unwilling to entertain the fact that you could have it all wrong, and we definitely will never be at a place of seeing eye-to-eye or at the very least, understanding eachother’s truth. It’s a complete breakdown that causes a very vast divide. That, for me, is a scary place to be — When mutual understanding is nowhere in the realm of possibility, and yet this is exactly where we are today, in so many ways.

I see so many similarities between what is happening in the political atmosphere today, to what has happened in my own personal experiences. For example, I had one, singular person who had been hell bent on damaging my reputation from shortly after meeting me, ten years ago. They made up stories with not a shred of truth to them, completely twisted and fudged other scenarios and then fed it all to their counterparts in order to spread the word and subsequently, the hate. It took this person YEARS to figure out what would send me packing, but eventually they nailed it. Everyone I knew, had a perfectly painted picture of who I was, without ever asking for facts to back up any of the reports — Without ever hearing my side in order to decide for themselves. No, they were fine with being spoon-fed lies and parroting them back, as truth. They were fine with dissparraging my name, character and credibility without cause, and without facts. Shortly thereafter, my world got significantly smaller by about 90% and that person had everyone whom had fallen for the game, securely in their hands. The friendships that were of great importance to me, were gone. The trust people had for me, that I duly earned, was gone. And at every turn, I was being approached and attacked with the same propoganda of one person, that had spread to many. That person was patient zero. They were the catalyst and crux of the entire smear campaign set against me. But because their lies spread to so many, they became lost in the mix and no one could connect the dots to every bad thing they had ever heard, all directly coming from that one same person.

Nevermind what all of these people knew of me to be. The years upon years of personal experience and account of me, none of that even came to mind anymore. Only what they were being told to believe. No one stopped to question it’s validity. No one thought to do some digging to find out what the truth really was. They blindly accepted the propoganda, decided to remain uninformed and casted me out like a leper who would somehow infect them if allowed near. They made it their personal mission to further attack using the same lies they were fed. The one person who started it all, slinking back into the shadows as not to be noticed while everyone else did their dirty work of permanently ousting me. Never even having to get their own hands dirty and certainly never having to be faced with their deceitful actions or all of the deeds that would undoubtedly be exposed, if they had actually been called to question.

I watch the political atmosphere today and see a mirror image of the same. One person with an agenda, disseminating lies to all of their counterparts who then feed and perpetuate that propoganda to the masses, never asking questions, never trying to get all sides in order to decide for themselves what is truth, then just accepting and spreading those lies and total twisting of truth, as truth itself. The puppet master, again slinking off into the shadows, unaffected while the ones unjustly accused and viciously attacked have to fight it all off themselves. And just as I saw lackies lapping it all up in my personal experience, I see the country that I love doing the same. When will the world wake up? When will they finally wipe the cobwebs from their sleepy eyes and go out in search of truth, for themselves? Why is everyone so willing to just be fed what to think and believe? We have an intituion for a reason. It’s there to guide us, show us what is right and just, and lead us down the path of the same. Yet we have become a society so willing to forego our own common sense, instinct and intuition, in effort to be told what is right by ones who have an agenda to serve.

We are polarized, divided, and out for blood, when simple research in the pursuit of finding the truth for ourselves, could clear it all up. We can either KNOW, or we can just accept, never actually knowing. Why are we so complacent that we are giving up our own moral responsibility to come to a solid conclusion based solely on facts? It’s disheartening to watch this play out. At times, so much so that I find myself needing to tune out and pretend that none of this even exists, in the desire to have a normal-feeling day.

When my personal experience happened, me seeing such blatant disregard for truth seeking and truth telling, took me by surprise. These were people whom I thought quite highly of and would never have guessed they would so easily fall prey to anyone’s agenda much less, manipulations. It took two years for me to accept that they really had, even though it made absolutely no sense to my head as to whom I previously knew them to be. Now that I see the same happening to half of the country at least, I’m less shocked, but it definitely struck an all too familar cord.

The truth is, there are self-seeking people out there in the this world. They are highly intuitive, able to both read and play off of the emotional sensibilities of those around them. They are manipulative and conniving with every action having an end goal in mind which serves to elevate only them. They will seem encouraging, moral, supportive, loving, caring and kind, because they are intelligent enough to understand that being stone cold and completely transparent will get them zero sympathy. Rest assured that this is all an act. It is a game of chess that no matter how many fake, yet convincing tears they shed, is truly enjoyable for them to play. They get pleasure out of dividing people in a way that raises them up as victim or martyr. They lack so much self awareness and are so insecure that the only way they can receive the kind of love and unwavering respect that they need, is to pigeon-hole a person into giving it, by manipulating their emotions. They take their time observing and learning what tugs on each person’s heart strings and when they have strategically set all of their pieces in place, they capture the king and checkmate. Just as one doesn’t play chess overnight without first observing the game, trying their hand at it many times and being beaten — These people will watch you, learn, try and fail many times before perfecting their moves and succeeding. It is a sad reality, but a reality nonetheless. Unfortunately for us today, many of these people are in positions of power, public service and journalism.

We have to get smarter in what we so brazenly accept as fact. We have to inform ourselves instead of leaving it up to everyone else to inform us. Question what we hear and see, and do some research before deciding it’s truth and jumping on the bandwagon, torches and spears in hand. We have to stop crucifying everything and everyone based on what we are being told and realize that maybe, there is an agenda here at play, and maybe we are simply a pawn being used in a calculated game. Maybe we could stop leaping to conclusions and waging a war of insults and threats against those we are told not to trust or believe, and instead question everything we’re being told while pressing for the truth. As long as we continue to be willing to eat the dog food labeled as steak, never questioning its authenticity, we will continue to be fed the dog food, deceived and manipulated. No one will ever admit their lies, unless faced with undeniable truth. The spoon feeding and virtue signaling won’t stop until we stop reacting to it and giving into it. To let anyone else determine what you think, or how you feel based on the play of your emotional sensibilities, is to be willingly lead blindly to the slaughter.

I’ve watched this same kind of mind game play out personally with those that I once loved and respected. It was crushing then and it still is today. It’s even more frustrating that I had no way of shaking them awake, to put a stop to it. Watching the same play out on a much broader stage which reaches to the whole of the country and even the world, is that much more disconcerting. There is no other way to explain than to say, we have to wise up, already. Stop forming our own opinions based on what media, hollywood, politicians, our friends and family are saying and start calling everything we hear to question. Use our own common sense, logic and intuition as well as past experience to shine a brighter light on what the truth is. We have to start looking around us and seeing what is actually happening verus what we are being told, connect those dots and come to a thoughtful conclusion, ourselves.

I hope that one day we do, and I can come out of this reclusive life that has become my new normal.