Writings

Theresa: No goodbyes, Only see you soon

rosesI was supposed to speak at my Big Sister’s funeral last week. I had such anxiety about speaking leading up to the funeral, not knowing if once I saw her that I would even be able to talk let alone stand up in front of all those people and read my words to her. Once the day came, it was surreal. Up to that point it didn’t feel real, but that day the truth of this reality hit me like a ton of bricks. It has bothered me since the funeral that these things I needed to say to my sister, I wasn’t able to make myself say. I realize that most won’t read this, and that is okay because this is for me to release to the Universe what was pressed upon my heart to speak about my precious sister…

Love. It is the driving force, the intent, the action, the purpose and the essence in which all of creation was formed in and consists of.

1 Corinthians 13:4 says this about Love: “Love is patient; Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

When I think of my sister, I think of Love. There are no bad moments of us to reflect on, nothing left unsettled. All that comes to mind about Theresa, is her dedication to LOVE. Theresa had a way about her. She showed love, she gave love, she spoke in love and she walked in love in every aspect of her life. Everyone who crossed her path knew there was something different about her. Something that made you WANT to know her. She exuded love’s essence in every way. Strangers who met her, instantly loved her. She knew how to make you smile and laugh, how to uplift and encourage you. And she did it all with the pure intention of love.

Theresa: They say a girls first best friend in life is her sister. For me, this was certainly true. You were funny in a way that you often didn’t realize. Always responding to me with a “What?” each time I laughed at something you said or did. You were unapologetically exactly who you were and never cared what anyone else thought about it. You just kept going, and soaking every drop of adventure that you could from this life. You believed with such passion and firmly stood by your convictions. But you also had a heart of gold, with the purest of intentions. It was boundless, it forgave and forgot without hesitation. You never carried grudges, but instead you loved with abundance. I have so many memories stored in my bank of you and me laughing for hours straight. Unable to catch our breath, and then with a faded giggle we would look at each other and say, “You’re so retarded.” And the laughter would start all over again. You were fun in a way that made each moment with you, like a sun shiny vacation. You treated everyone you came across exactly the same, with love and respect, compassion and immense humor. They knew they loved you from the moment you spoke and their feelings never changed. I told you all of the time how crazy you were and you’d echo it back in kind…and we were both right. You knew what it was like to feel alone and you made sure that no one, including me, ever felt that way in your presence. We had many talks together about when our time comes to leave this earth how excited we would be and that no one better get in our way of that transition. What we didn’t talk about though, was how very much it would hurt to let the other go, no matter what awaited them on the other side. Today and since you left, I feel the absence of you and it hurts so deeply. True to form you are probably laughing at my seriousness but this I have to say: I will miss our long discussions and even our differences of opinions. I will miss our dumb jokes back and forth that spiraled into hysterical laughter and I will miss your infectious laugh and your sweet smile. I will miss the way you always made me feel like I would never be without a friend. I will miss your sarcastic humor, and your child-like demeanor and the way you wore your heart on your sleeve. I will miss your enthusiasm for life, and how you made each of us feel like we were truly loved. Most of all, I will just miss YOU. My big sister, my first best friend. Now to quote your favorite band, “How I Wish You Were Here,” but I know you’re enjoying “That Great Gig in the Sky,” so “Shine On You Crazy Diamond.” I love you, T.

4 thoughts on “Theresa: No goodbyes, Only see you soon

  1. Now I understand what Stephie went through when Gabriel died. They were very close. I still miss him but know he is really happy now and probably having a ball showing Theresa around in heaven.

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  2. It’s hard. It’s funny how many levels and layers to grief there is. I knew the pain of loss – but that of a child, that of family. I didn’t know this layer until now. And I’m sure he’s showing her everything! They both were such precious souls.

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  3. Yes, they were and are! I found a picture of them both sitting together on our love seat during some family gathering and they are just talking away. Who would have thought not, not that many years later, they would both be gone. It doesn’t seem like that long ago when we were having Easter egg hunts over here. 😦

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